In my recent essay, The Tyranny of the Single Opt-In Intro, I laid out my case for why single opt-in introductions are so harmful. TL;DR — they rob people of their agency and ability to decide for themselves how to use their time and energy. …

A sure sign that a situation has gotten out of hand is when you need to create a scripted response to it. I was driven to that point a few years ago when I received one single opt-in introduction email too many. My employer at the time had posted a…

In the pantheon of soul food, mac and cheese is one of the most important dishes — It finally happened the day before Thanksgiving in 2017. I knew I’d done it the moment I slipped that first forkful into my mouth. The pasta was perfectly tender, neither too firm nor too soft. The cheeses combined into a heavenly blend of sharpness, richness, and saltiness with the right…

The current racial climate often makes it uncomfortable for me to reclaim my roots — I was able to keep my face a neutral mask when a young White woman recently described her upcoming plantation wedding to me. I was attending a gala dinner where an acquaintance and his fiancee excitedly relayed their plans to get married at a “beautiful, old-time” plantation in the South…

For black women, it’s especially crucial to protect your focus — The “strong black woman” is a familiar trope in American culture, embodied by heroines ranging from Harriet Tubman to Florida Evans to Beyoncé. Black women are indeed strong — we have to be — but some of us are now rejecting the archetype, and the emotional labor it requires of…

Charitable gifts deserve the same thought and care as any other investment — What’s your process for deciding how to donate your money? It’s okay if you don’t know how to answer. For plenty of people, charitable giving is mostly ad hoc or reactionary — something done after a natural disaster or around the holidays—and that’s certainly better than not giving at all…